What do I even say....

 Good morning, afternoon, evening, wherever you may be.  This year of 2022 has been a kick in the pants so far.  Well, the first 3 1/2 months weren't bad at all.  But then it all seemed to go downhill from there.  In April, the older woman I was taking care of passed away and she was so sweet and kind but she was also suffering from many health issues, and she was 98 years old, so that had something to do with her condition as well.  Then in April my Dad went into the hospital for some chest pains, they kept him a week and said he will need stents put in but they will set everything up.  He went into the hospital again for the stents on May 9th and they had some issues where they couldn't get the stents put in so they'd have to do open heart surgery.  Open heart was scheduled for the following week but we noticed he wasn't 100% after the stent procedure, but we thought the doctors would know what's best.  So, the following week he had the open heart surgery and that's where it all went wrong! He was having difficulty speaking, slurred speech like he had a stroke (the doctors said he didn't have a stroke, which we didn't believe), he was hallucinating, he wasn't eating well, not sleeping well and his overall personality was different.  So, he had to stay in the hospital for over a month because of these issues and they didn't know why he was having them.  He came home finally and he just wasn't the same person at all. He couldn't walk the right way, his speech wasn't what it should be, his appetite wasn't there and he was just completely different.  So, he was home a little over a week and one day I get a phone call from my Mom asking me to go to their house (I live not even 2 min. away) because Dad fell. Well, I was expecting to go up and see him sitting up on the floor or laying on the floor but talking. That wasn't the case, he was laying on the floor but he wasn't talking, he wasn't breathing, he had no pulse.  My Mom was on the phone with 911 and I started doing CPR on my Dad.  It was the worst experience I ever had! So, the police came and the officer started CPR then the ambulance came and they were doing everything they could, finally they had a heartbeat but they said not to get out hopes up just yet.  So, back to the hospital in ICU where machines were keeping my Dad alive for a week. We had to make a decision, which I hope no one ever has to make that kind of decision, EVER! So, the doctor said to give it a few days to see if anything improved, it didn't.  On the 7th day of him being on those machines, we decided to take the tubes off of him and just pray. We lost my Dad on June 20th.  It was the hardest day of my life and my families life. The two doctors that did the surgeries never, NEVER, came in to say they're sorry or anything at all to us when Dad passing. So then we had to make all the funeral arrangements and deal with some family nonsense.  😭💔🙏

To this day, which is almost 2 months since Dad passed, I can't come to the realization that he's actually gone.  He was my helper with fixing things, doing gardening, catching mice when my husband was away and just an all around great man.  My husband was also best friends with Dad because they'd always fix things together and figure out how to do things and get it done.  Its hard to get through the days but I do get through because I know Dad would say to stop being sad and to just live and be happy and to take care of the damn garden haha. 

So, if any of you have gone through losing a parent or a loved one, or if you're going through it now, I feel for you because its never an easy thing to deal with.  Grief can be powerful, you may feel great today but then tomorrow you cry and feel like you don't want to deal with anything.  But, as they say, time heals all wounds, so let's hope that's true! 

 Thanks for listening/reading.  There will probably be a part 2 to this but I'm just not sure yet because the part 2 would have some family drama that went on during this difficult time and I don't know if I want to share that or not just yet.  

Anyways, thank you again if you got to the end of this novel LOL.  Have an amazing day and just keep pushing through whatever you may be going through because there's many going through the same exact thing! ❤